Brief Lives - Remembered
13/06/2011
It was during a visit to Australia in 2003, when I first heard the names Zoe and Clive Gentle during a conversation with a friend. It was to be a conversation that was to change my life in so many different ways.
Clive and his family had lived in the Hampshire area until they immigrated to Australia when he was still a small boy. Clive who at the time was 43 years old had just discovered that he was a twin and that his twin sister had died as a baby. Clive expressed a wish to find out where Zoe is buried and although we knew very little about Zoe, I agreed to find out what happened all those years ago. Just before Christmas that year, I discovered that Zoe is buried at Aldershot Military Cemetery.
Zoe has become a very important part of my life. In the months that followed and as Zoe’s nine hours of life and subsequent death unfolded I decided I would like to do something positive in honour of Zoe. That was when the idea for “Brief Lives - Remembered” was born.
“Brief Lives - Remembered” was established in 2004, we are a non-profit making organization. Our core aim is to support families who have been bereaved of a baby or child whether locally or around the world.
Since its establishment we have:
· Set up a remembrance book - The book is available to anyone who has a baby or child buried at the cemetery or to anyone with a military connection and is a permanent dedication to all the precious babies and children who have died, however long ago. Whatever the cause of death. Entry of a name is free. The remembrance book is permanently homed at the Royal Garrison Church of All Saints, Claycart Road, Aldershot.
· We now have our own website - link below - It includes a memorial page called “We Remember”. Where families can have their child’s name included with a short message. This is open to all bereaved parents.
· We are fundraising for funds for a Memorial dedicated to babies and children who have died. The memorial is to be homed at Aldershot Military Cemetery.
· We are fundraising for funds for a Memorial dedicated to babies and children who have died. The memorial is to be homed at Aldershot Military Cemetery.
- In the past when babies were stillborn or died soon after birth parents were not encouraged too see, hold or name their baby. At the time it was thought to be the best thing for the mother to try and forget the baby and get on with the rest of her life.
However as anyone who has supported or experienced the death of a baby knows it is not something that can be forgotten, far from it. In recent years it has been realized that the effects of parents not having the opportunity to spend time with their baby are devastating. Parents have not only had to struggle with the anguish of losing their baby, but they have had to do it with little or no support. Parents and their families are now coming forward to say they need to know what happened to their baby. Parents never knew what happened to their baby and have been left with no memories and without a place to visit.
"Finding my stillborn sister's resting place was a source of
sadness and joy for me, sadness because she was not here with me
and joy that I know where she is now.”
Jenny Willis
One of the things we at “Brief Lives - Remembered” do; is to assist families to trace their baby’s grave. We have had much success in the time since we introduced this as part of our work. Many of the bereaved parents/relatives who have been able to trace their baby’s grave have told me they feel relieved, and more at peace. They feel they are finally able to grieve and say goodbye to their baby, and feel a sense of closure.
If you would or someone you know feels they would like to trace their baby’s grave, we now have a free new resource; Guidelines - Tracing a Baby’s Grave.
If you feel you would like assistance with tracing your baby’s grave we would be happy to help, if it is possible. To enable us to do this we would need as much information about you and your baby as possible.
We will need:
· Name if baby was named
· Date of stillbirth, birth or/and death
· Mothers Name
· Fathers Name
· Hospital where born
I have written a book on the subject called “Finding Zoe. It is my story about how I traced Zoe’s burial place over forty years after her birth and subsequent death. It also includes; families testimonies on how they to traced their baby’s grave, guidelines for tracing a baby’s grave and ideas of ways to acknowledge and remember your baby. The book was funded by and is available from the National Sands website.
For more information about our work look on our website, email: Paula at: brieflives-remembered@gmail.com or Tel: 0791 3037169.